This morning on my way to class, I had to day's blog already posted in my head. Steve was inquiring about when I was going to post our whole reason for blogging, I was already thinking about it is well. Positive thoughts, peaceful drive, no one pulling out in front of me on my way to the coffee shop. 8:33 am arrival, life is good. Best ever latte and scone as always, and off to Botany I go. Fast forward a couple of hours, rescheduled bi-monthly lunch date with friend, (we never seem to make it out to lunch until we have rescheduled at least 2 times...), potted up vegetable plugs in greenhouse for 2 hours, leave school, pick up Landon, rush through grocery store, and someone did pull out in front of me there, drive home, pull into driveway....
On to the Point, our wonderful amazing dog Max, runs right out in front of my car as he does every single time he hears car keys turn, but today he didn't miss the tires. So, with my 4 year old in the back seat I ran over his dog! Worst thing ever! Landon gives me that look, you know the one, and says " Mommy, why did you run over Max?" Bad Mommy. I'm sure there are many worse things in life, but this was really bad for me today. Guilt, worse than I have felt in a long, long time. This isn't just some dog, he is our dog, a part of our family. Our Beloved Farm dog, he is my children's sidekick, protecting them from anything, he is friend with all of our animals, he is trained to not chase the chickens, he protects us, protects our farm, he is irreplaceable.
Max and Dumpling the Rooster
Max ran off and after about an hour of searching, calling out his name, crying feeling like the worst parent ever, and contemplating how Landon was processing this, Max was found, by my wonderful husband. I would like to report that he is doing just fine, being catered to all warm and cozy tonight. Landon said he was worried about Max, and he is glad he is fine. Steve tried to make me feel better as he always does, and succeeds. Hopefully, he will not run out in front of any vehicles ever again. I am glad that there were no major injuries, no blood, and no death. I have had to flush gold fish with the kid before, but I did not want to bury a dog today, and I am so thankful that everything ended up just fine.
Now, I am not sure if it is me, the car, our just some shitty luck but I have a history with dogs and this car. Never before in life, however, with the purchase of my super sweet Saturn in 08' I was also purchasing a dog whisperer. Not even 3 weeks after I bought this car, Steve and I were off to a work meeting and I (Not My Fault) hit a St. Bernard, who was attempting suicide in my opinion.. no joke, and it was in front of the owner as well, because hitting a dog alone isn't enough you must do it in front of their beloved master. It was horrible. She was crying, the dog was crying, I think I was crying too. This huge being was a loved 9year old farm dog and they had to put it asleep. It was horrible, I could have cared less about my car. I felt soooo bad. Ever since then, there have been many attempts by many other dogs, and many many close calls.
So, today I hit our dog with my car and I feel like shit. Guilt is a horrible feeling, not being able to take it back, to hit the brakes one second sooner? Maybe it would have been another close call? Who knows, at least I can check that horrible experience off my list. Now, on to positive energy and beautiful days ahead.